Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
