Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
