I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
