Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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