I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
