We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you traded sex for a burrito?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
3pm strippers are depressing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
