watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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