and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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