he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
