There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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