i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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