There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
