so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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