The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You took a bar mat shot.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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