Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
