And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
