My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
