And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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