I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
