im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
