dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
