i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm always down for nudity.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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