Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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