I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
