i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
