She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
