beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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