Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
