I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver just had a heart attack.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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