I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
