thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize