# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
