the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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