This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize