Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
