I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
