The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
