If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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