And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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