just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
