i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
