____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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