I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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