I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
there is puke in my bra ... again
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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