I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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