I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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