Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
