I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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