is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
