I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
