discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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