Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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