Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
