he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
