There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
