i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
