and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
