I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
is that a dick in a sweater?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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