Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
