I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize