It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
