It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
