how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
