So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
