she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
