it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
