Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
