omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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