plz talk dirty to me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
