So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
