Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
